how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
