from now on my penis is your penis
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
