we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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