i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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