I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
