he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
