sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
