i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
