I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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