Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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