Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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