I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
