there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
