guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
