I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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