I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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