Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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