yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
