Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
