well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
