I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
