I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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