Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
