if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize