Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
