my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
