I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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