apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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