he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
