i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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