i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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