I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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