take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize