There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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