They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize