I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
