I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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