I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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