this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize