I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
