I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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