It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
