You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
