I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize