I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All the doctor said was why
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
