i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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