Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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