She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
