You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was born a porn star she said
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize