Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
