Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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