my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let's paint friendship bongs
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
