and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
