So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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