Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
