I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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