Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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