All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
