Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
