Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Randomize
