sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
