You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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