while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
