Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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