Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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