I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
