Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize