covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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