I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
