he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
