all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
