I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this will be a night to untag.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
