I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
