Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize