I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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