question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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