wat bout pragnant strippers??
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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