so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
