Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
