Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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