After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
