hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
