new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
