I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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