I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
