Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
