My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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